The Right Choice

Salam

After almost 9 months resting, finally it's time to face the real world. I chose Hospital Kuala Lumpur, which never came across my mind at all. I appealed to change the hospital placement, unfortunately, there were no seats left at my hospital of choice. 

For 2 days..or to be honest, up until this moment, I feel overwhelmed by the choice I made. Is it the right one? Will I survive there? 

I don't know..

What I know is, it's going to be a real challenging period of my life.

I am slowly accepting thing the way it is and I pray that I get adapted to this new life quickly.

THAT feeling

You know that feeling when you feel so empty, in need of extra love and then you try to immerse yourself into all sort of stuffs just to get the positive vibes but at the end, you know it was useless? Yeap..that crappy feeling. Deep inside, I know that I need to pray. It is really terrific on the first day of mensus because PMS symptoms are really draining my energy. As time goes by, the happy feeling slowly subsides and THAT crappy feeling creeps in. Then only I know..I miss praying. Siapalah kita tanpa Nya. Ramadhan kareem to all. May Allah forgive our wrong doings and bless us with His mercy in this holy month. 

The older you get, the wiser you become

Salam

I've been wanting to write about this last week but I was occupied with other important stuffs at the moment. So, tonight is probably a good time to write before I start revising Orthopedics.

As time passes by, my view on social network media such as facebook and twitter has begun to change. Furthermore, I begin to dislike any unnecessary interaction or post/ tweet on facebook/ twitter. What are the unnecessary interactions or posts/ tweets? I will get back to them later. 

To be honest, I never signed up for any social network on my own. I signed up for facebook and twitter because of my friends asked me to ( peer pressure). Therefore, I have facebook account since my pre university year and twitter while I was in 1st year medical school. Let's start with facebook first, shall we? Facebook is a great media to trace back your long long lost friends, add new friends and to update or share every single event of your life by posting status and photos.  After posting status or photos, of course..I have a slight hope for someone to interact with me. Oh well, the need to be heard something like that( Le sigh..). Other than that, it's also a place to stalk people "Uuu she's going to Japan for holiday" " Oh my god cantik and pandai nya dia ni!!!" "Oh my she's getting married?!"( yes, I was one of them who kept on jumping here and there while I was on online. Such a great way to waste my time). And lastly, it's an important media to circulate any news, share lecturers' slide and past years among members of batch group. Back then, I had fun facebook-ing until I didn't manage to pass my first year exam. I begun to isolate myself because I believe that was the darkest moment of my life ( up until that time).Hence, I deactivated my facebook as soon after I got my result.

And then, I switched to twitter at the end of my first year. I loved it because it keeps me updated with things I followed and my circle of friends is limited as compared to facebook ( more privacy I supposed). I love the fact that how fast breaking news spreads on twitter. For example, I knew the heartbreaking news of MH17  from it. The stalking people thing is still there ( whether intentionally or unintentionally). A lot of dramas I witnessed and I wish I didn't know about it but I couldn't because my mind simply connect the dots from every interaction of people I knew on my timeline. This is what I call stalking unintentionally.

Okay, now back to the main points. As I said before, my view on these two social networks has changed. Now, facebook is there because I need info from the batch group and other groups ( mostly to receive any wedding invitations from my dearest friends) . I keep twitter to read news, daily reminders and.. a dose of 9gag! teehee. No more posting status or tweet about my feelings because it's simple..it's unnecessary. I have my parents, siblings  and best friends whom I can straight away call or whatsapp . If I want to have a dinner with a particular person, just call..don't need to waste time by mentioning his/her name on twitter and let the whole world know about my plan. The worst part is when a third person join the conversation by saying " fine..tak hajak!" And that deserves a..

When I scrolled my twitter time line, I begin to wonder. When a person complained about..for example " I'm having a bad migraine today..( insert sad teary emoticon) "..is she really having migrane or has it already subsided because she can tweet?  Another example is..letting out your anger on twitter. Honestly, by the time you  tweet about how angry/ tidak puas hati you are at the moment, that angry feeling has already subsided slowly. Don't you think?  These are the unnecessary things I got from scrolling/stalking my timeline. I know at some point, this stalking secara tak sengaja has to be stopped by unfollow/ mute them for my own goodness. I know some people have different views on this. Mind you, I'm not against people who love to tweet or post status on facebook. it's just that..think before you tweet or post your status. It reflects your personality.  I know I once posted status/ tweeted like a girl who was severely brain hypoxic but it's not too late to change. The older you get the wiser you become. InsyaAllah.

Oh I forget. Limit your stalking activity  to  family and bestfriends because that's an act of care.

Wassalam

What's up?

Salam

I realized I'm having difficulty to answer this 2 questions :
1) where are we going to eat?
2) what's up with your life? Tak ada cerita ke?

Usually my answer will be:
1) anywhere also can ( unless I crave for something that day, I will voice it )
2) hmm biasa je (crickets)

I will be asked question no 2 whenever we (read: PPG-Farah hot) skyped or face timed. And their responses would be " takde cerita ke?! " then I went with " ye, takde. Hidup I biasa je" *crickets again* if I have something, of course I can't hide anything from them when they are on kepochee mood. 

Come to think of it, my life is very stagnant. Everyday is just the same day, meet same people and do same routines( go to hospitals, attend classes, tutorials, pbl). No extra ordinary things happen in my life. Nothing really excites me. Sometimes..I mean..most of the times I feel..underachieved. I feel like I need something else apart from getting my MBBS (insyaAllah) Yes, I sound like an over achiever but nothing is impossible. I need to have good idea, plan it carefully ( actually I have to start to think about this last week but I surrendered to PMS. Le sigh) then start working it out. 

Okay, let's come back to answer for question número dos. One of the expected answers is my love story since I have one now. Yes, I have one now. I kept the secret from them though I knew "not telling means you're lying". I'm sorry for keeping it because I was trying to find right time to tell. Okay..there's nothing much to tell about us. No signs of wedding bells, nasi minyak within masa terdekat. Believe me, I'll let these 2 precious hot ladies to know first because they will be there on my big day! ( they better be..if not, put us kawan. Lol) 

I have a list to do for my 2 weeks semester break. One of them is to brush  up my clinical examination skill by watching Mc Leod's video but until now..I remember I watched new episode of Suits. That's all. 

I end this entry  with..

Love you guys muchos xx

Hari Lompat Katil

Salam

There must be one day in a week which you will jump off the bed because you have half and hour to get ready to class. Okay, exception to those with type A personality. I call this special day as “ Hari Lompat Katil”. Usually it happens during pms where my body needs looong hours of  sleep like sleeping beauty or I just simply snooze my alarm clock hoping I’ll get up because of will power (yeah right) -___-  

To me, it’s okay for to have “Hari Lompat Katil” if :

 -I already know what outfit to wear on the next day. Yeap, I have to plan what I want to wear one day before class. The first step is baju kurung or blouse? The second step is what scarf matches the baju kurung or blouse? Wearing something nice and comfortable give a sense of pleasure as well as make me confident ( of course if I already read topics for the next class). To me, we don’t have to wear expensive branded clothes to look good. Just make ourselves presentable (:

2   -No exams/tests on the next day. If not, I can go die.

3   -No case presentation

4   -No clinical rotation at Muar

5   -I live near academic building

6   -I live nearby college/hospital and have a car

The solution for “Hari Lompat Katil” is one and only, adequate sleep.

Sleep early, wake up early in the morning to perform tahajud and then revise about things I’ve learned. I tried to cultivate this habit, somehow I failed in the middle  -__- I woke up at 3 and then I feel :

 “ mannn this’s too early!! ”while looking at phone

 “oh I can perform tahajud lah  like this” trying so hard to unwrap myself from blanket, eyes are still closed

 “ brrr it’s cold..” wrap myself back in blanket

“ Oh Allah, you know what inside my heart, forgive me for all my sins as well as my parents, siblings, teachers, friends’ sins. Grant me heaven and please increase my knowledge, wealth, health. Ameen “  praying while my eyes are closed, hoping Allah accept my prayers because He knows everything inside my heart.  -______- 

Oh dear God!

Real Cure

Salam

To first step towards a real cure is to know what disease to begin with.
Take a  white board and write down possible diseases that fit the all symptoms and syndromes.  Along that process, some laboratory tests are carried out to confirm our diagnosis. When the lab results match with our diagnosis, treatment has to be started immediately. If the treatment goes well then it's a good prognosis. Well, bravo doctor! You have saved a life. Alhamdulillah. But sometimes the treatment fails and complications may arise. Then, all the brain storming sessions have to be started again in order to get a real cure. 

That is what I learned from medical tv series, to be specific House MD.That's is how doctors work. On tv, we see how cool they pronounce acute prophyria cutanea tarda the minute after lab result matches with the diagnosis. Trust me, to come to that stage we cried a baldi of tears to understand pathogenesis, biochemical process and what not that cause a disease. Doctors deal with human being. As we already knew, human being is complicated. Why is that so? Because human being is the smartest creature created by Allah. The human being has 4 components which are physical, mental , emotion and  spirit. All this 4 components have to be maintained at their best in order to live a happy life. 

Some people are physically good but mentally ill. For example, a rapist may look like " the most pijak semut tak mati punya face" but actually he is sicked mentally. Some people are physically not in good shape but they are mentally and emotionally strong when dealing with certain situation. For example, a terminal ill patient who accept his fate by never ever complain or sigh because of his illness.  That 4 components help to differentiate between one person to another because they shape one's personality. One day, I'll be dealing with human being with different types of personalities, behaviors  and so on. No matter how complicated/ problematic a patient (human being ) can be, there's always solution for every problem, InsyaAllah.

Right now, I'm feeling lost. 

Why?

I'm searching for the meaning of this life, again. I'm searching for the real cure of my disease. An nas..forgetful. That's me. I guess i have to write on post it and stick it to mirror so that I'll always remember the purpose of living. It's easier to lose focus without being constantly reminded, right? 

All I want to do for now is to forget the past that lead me to this, ignore any complication that might arise and go for a quick fix. Hmm to forget is not an easy task but what I can do is learn from it. Oh ya, is there any quick fix for this? Hmm..

You know what you have to do Amirah. Pray to Allah so that He will give you strength. The strength to constantly come up with new ways to fix your self. Change and adapt. Just be sure that this one is an improvement over the last.

Okay, it's time for me to go to lalaland. Hopefully I'll be more productive because time is running out! Final is just around the corner. Too many things to cover yet too little time. Include me in your prayer (: 

Wassalam

Sleepless night. Again

Salam

Pukul 2 pagi..masih lagi menutup mata. Walaupun sudah baring di atas katil daripada pukul 12 tengah malam. Mungkin banyak sangat perkara yang bermain di minda. Ya Allah, aku perlukan tidur yang cukup, rehat yang cukup dan paling penting, ketenangan hati untuk block exam esok hari.

Terlalu banyak sangat unnecessary conflicts yang berlaku sejak akhir-akhir ini. Sampaikan benda-benda ini mengganggu fokus untuk belajar. Konflik dalaman, konflik dengan housemates, konflik dengan rapat. Sebagai manusia lemah ini, ya, aku mengeluh..sampaikan hati ini penat.."  Ya Allah, apa ni ya Allah..why all this things come into my way? " ):

" Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone"  This is what I always say to people who see me walk alone, eat alone, study alone a library etc.  And one more thing that I always say to them" Dah biasa sorang-sorang".

Yes, memang selama ini senang kalau bergerak ke mana-mana secara solo sebab tak perlu nak tunggu orang at the same time, I don't like people to wait for me. Because of that, my own housemate said I tak ada kawan sangat kat sini. Oh well, there's difference between "kenalan" and "kawan". Dan antara kawan juga, ada yang baik di hadapan tapi di belakang? Mengumpat, tikam belakang as if dia manusia paling sempurna. Sakit, yes..sakit sangat apabila dengar sendiri orang mengumpat pasal diri kita sendiri . Dan ada juga kawan yang mengambil kesempatan atas kelemahan kawan sendiri, kawan yang easily putuskan friendship and make mec hoose between her and my other friend just because she hates my other friend.

Ya Allah, I know I have so many flaws. Give me strength to face all this. Lift up my sadness..Give me solutions..

Right now, I really want to take my phone and whatsapp farah and khadijah..but, they must busy with their own works..I cant rely on them whenever I feel like this..Deep inside, i wish they can offer me hug right now..I really miss them..

Wassalam